We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
