If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
