Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
