Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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