Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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