hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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