yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
third nipple confirmed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
