It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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