your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
