I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
