Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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