I'm jealous of your bromance
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
