so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
