Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We got so high we made milksteak
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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