Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
