Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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