Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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