im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
