a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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