1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
