I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
