no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
