so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
