i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
