you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
