he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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