Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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