dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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