I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
