I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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