A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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