I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
