Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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