I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We're too hungover to prance.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
