apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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