I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
