At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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