She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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