the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Can Purell be used as lube?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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