I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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