Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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