All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
