you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
