Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
