I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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