I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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