I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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