I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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