We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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