In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
