I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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