watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
