Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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