At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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