I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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