I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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