So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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