He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
