This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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