I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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