Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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