Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
