No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
how does that bad decision feel?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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