omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
