so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
