You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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