So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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