he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
