You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
