i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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