I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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