I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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