Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
