fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
