'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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