i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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