apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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