Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
