this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
