You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
