Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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