OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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