I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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