I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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