the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
